Dilemma

justice-clipart-scale-clipart-1While scrolling on Instagram today, I stumbled across an interesting question: “would you tell your friend’s significant other that your friend is cheating on them?” LOL! Lawd. The first thing that popped into my mind was hell no. That is not any of my business. My mother always preached to stay out of people’s relationships; what you won’t tolerate, someone else will and in this case once they make up, you’re the one who will be on the outs with your friend for spilling his or her business. I agree. While we never want to see anyone being played, especially if he or she is a genuinely good person and do not deserve it, I wouldn’t be saying shit.

Now, let’s make this topic more interesting.  What if both people are your friends and one of the friends is cheating on the other? What would you do then?
So, before I give my opinion on that, I would have to say I was placed in a predicament such as this one before. I knew that a friend was cheating on another friend, but I chose not to say anything. Some might think it’s messed up and I agree to an extent. It actually
weighs on my conscience every now and again, but I feel like I was justified in keeping that bit of information to myself. For starters, if I did decide to hold the one friend down, would they reveal that it was me who told them? I think they would have.  Many people cannot help but to disclose the source they got the information from, especially when emotions are running high. The accused party might deny the accusation and the source, if valid, would make the confrontation or the argument easier to make and prevent the accused from playing coy. While I understand the thought process and everything, I do not want to be placed in unnecessary drama for any reason. Perhaps, though, if I was closer to the party who was being cheated on rather than the accused, I do not think I would care about how it plays out, but if I value both friendships equally, I would rather stay out of it. In hindsight, however, I would have told the friend who was cheating to tell their significant other because now that I know, I feel inclined to tell.

Another thing I consider is what the cheated party would do with that information. Would they leave? Would they stay to work it out? In the example I gave above with my two friends, I knew that the person who was being cheated on would not leave. That should not have any bearing on whether I told or not, but it did. If you are anything like me, you like to know that your friends are sensible and would leave a situation like  this even if it is temporarily, but the reality is when love and emotions are involved, you tolerate shit you normally would not. I would become so frustrated and upset with my friend after delivering information such as this and them not acting on it.  With that being said, if I know the person would not leave, my first mind tells me to spare them the heartache. I know some may view me as a bad friend for that, but ignorance is bliss. As a friend, I would never want to see any of my friends hurt. Yes,  you may hurt by knowing that the person you are giving your all to is playing you, but would you be hurt enough to leave? I can assess my friend’s strength and what good would it be causing his or her heartbreak when you know they are not going to do anything about it.

All in all, I will decide to stay out of my friends’ relationships in fear that I would be placed in unnecessary drama.  However, this is subject to change after assessing the situation for what it is. If I think that I can tell one of my friends information safely without being dragged into it, I would go for it and even depending on the level of  friendship, if you drag me into it, I would have your back.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree/ disagree with me? What would you do or think you would do if you were put in a similar situation such as the two stated above?

6 thoughts on “Dilemma

  1. I’m all for staying out of people’s business, but if they are truly my friend, I’m looking out for their best interest at all times, so I’m speaking up. What they choose to do with that information is completely up to them but at least I know I did my part. If they choose to stay, that’s cool, but at that point I wouldn’t tell them about anything further because they’ve chosen to accept the behavior.

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    1. I definitely agree with you. I dislike taking this approach at times because I tend to get annoyed with my friends once I decide to share my thoughts and they see what I am talking about yet still decide to stay. It does depend on my friend though. I feel the most comfortable sharing my thoughts on a bad situation when I feel like you will truly listen. A gem my friend gave me is that not everyone is me and everyone grows at their own pace. Now, I keep that thought in the back of my mind and exercise more patience when giving my friends advice

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  2. I’ve seen this situation so many times; with friends being in the position you were in and it’s awkward for them to sit someone down and say anything. I feel like if I was in that situation, I wouldn’t tell because lies catch up to people on either way, I would however tell the cheater to either confess or leave because I don’t support cheating in no shape or form; either leave or confess and fix it, whatever rocks their boat. But in a situation like that I kinda question the cheating friend because it shows they have wavering loyalty…

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    1. Yup!!! I agree with you. It is so difficult to say something because if you say something, you can look like the bad guy or if you do not say anything, you can still look like the bad guy! It’s one of those situations where the gamble is not worth the risk at times. I think your last point is interesting. Why do you think that because one cheats in a relationship, their loyalty could be up for question in a relationship? Some people are so loyal to their friends and not to their partners from what I’ve seen.

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  3. CB

    If you know both parties I feel like you should tell the person who is being cheated on and let them decide how to handle it. If the person who is cheating is allowing you to see it, then they knew the risk that would come with that. At the end of the day if someone is your friend, I believe you owe it to them to tell them and it’s selfish to have them look stupid because you don’t want drama. However, if they already know they’re getting cheated on and this would just be another instance, then telling your friend probably wouldn’t make any difference so there’s no real point.

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    1. If you were in a situation where you’re a friend to both parties but you are closer to the party who is cheating, would you not find it difficult to tell the party who is being cheated on? I am not saying that I disagree with your stance. However, sometimes people do have more loyalty to one friend than another and would choose to stay out of it as a result.

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