The Love I Was Not Prepared For

I’ve always heard that women do not know what they want, but never believed it. Any time a male friend of mine would say this, I would always brush it off and think “women certainly know what we desire, it’s men who struggle with knowing what they want.” Of course, women have their specific preferences, but generally speaking, most of us want a man who is handsome (in our eyes), loyal, honest, caring and treats us well. But what happens when we actually meet a man like this? Do we appreciate him for who he is or do we take him for granted?

I personally believe that women are unable to recognize when there is a good man in their presence, and 9 times out of 10, it’s because the man is not coming in the package we had hoped for or desired. The reality is that the man who would treat you the way you want could come as the total opposite of everything you envisioned. If he does come as you hoped for, it’s possible he could lack in a specific area that would cause you to pause and make you reluctant to deal with him.

Trust me when I tell it, I almost missed out on a great guy all because he fell short in an area that is extremely important to me: stability. I did not realize God was giving me everything I needed and wanted in a man because I was placing so much emphasis on his one shortcoming that I let it affect the relationship. I focused less on the positive qualities: that he was loving, supportive, genuine, funny, and gave me a lot of attention. Though I was grateful for it, I lacked full appreciation because highlighting his shortcomings helped to compensate for my own. My man lacked stability, but he was working on that.  I knew he was working on it, but I kept harping on it.

Now that I am a little wiser and more mature, I understand why. Prior to him, I was not use to guys treating me in the way in which he did. I was emotionally damaged. I had become fairly cynical and looped all men into one category. His love made me uncomfortable and because of that, I used the one thing he lacked to push him away. I knew he made me happy but because I was not used to such a feeling, I tried to do what I would normally do which is run.

Sometimes I wonder how I’d react if he was treating me like shit and had the same shortcoming he had. While the “logical” thing to do would be to leave or not deal with him, that is not always the reality of the situation. Women tend to gravitate to what is familiar and we like to believe we can tame an asshole. Simply put, women like assholes. If my boyfriend came in the form of one, I think that I would’ve been less inclined to push him away because he would have been treating me in a manner that I was familiar with.  As much as we don’t like to admit it, the truth is women tolerate a lot of shit from men who don’t do much for us and oftentimes, they don’t come as the package we anticipated either. We gravitate to them because converting an asshole and getting him to commit is a task we all like to believe we can complete.

I was going to keep this post specific to women and emphasize how this attitude could cause us to miss out on our blessings, but why limit it to women when men are notorious for doing this as well?  A man would have a good woman and would leave or cheat on her because she is not “bad” or for some other superficial reason. Although I am aware that not all individuals think this way, for the ones who do, the superficial things are not the things that actually keep us happy when we’re with someone. Certain things shouldn’t be a deal breaker if you really like a person. Their fundamental core makeup, who they truly are as a person, is what truly matters because circumstances could change and people can overcome their shortcomings. If you have someone who is perfect in many ways but has things that they are lacking that could be worked on, my suggestion is that you try not to dash them away for superficial reasons, and give the relationship a real chance. I am happy I did because my man turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. To try and to fail is a horrible feeling, but to regret is even worse.

Editor: Sweenie Nicole; Instagram: Sweenie.Nicole; Twitter: @simplysweenie

8 thoughts on “The Love I Was Not Prepared For”

  1. T, when I read this I swear u were talking about me specifically & what I’m going thru. Ur words were true to the very end. We do have a tendency that when we have something good we choose to find the bad rather than appreciate the good. No one’s perfect. I’m learning that the hard way. Ur words touched me to the core. Keep it up ur doing marvelous & I’m one of ur biggest fans.


  2. Tej,

    Well said. The thought behind these words not only comes from experience, but from pain and joy. I loved it. Looking forward to many more



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